Meant to Be

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It was just a bag, but I had really wanted to use it; filling it with nappies, wipes, a change of clothes, snacks and a book had brought me so much joy. I had 3 attempts but like Lisa I only have fleeting memories, I think it was all too sad and hidden away. She had seemed to settle so easily and didn’t seem at all disturbed by the fact that she was coming to stay with us, though I knew from the work we had done that it would all be in her head somewhere. As someone who has gone through 5 rounds of IVF and had two miscarriages, this book resonated deeply with me. When Lisa Faulkner learned that she wouldn’t have biological children, her plans and expectations for her life were derailed.

An easy listen with a lot of relatable content, but lacked the depth of was looking for in the topic of adoption. The idea of adoption is not always easy for other children to understand; they imagine her being picked from rows of cots in an orphanage, like Tracy Beaker or Annie. That first day we took her to the park and played on the swings, we fed the ducks and then came home and played with her toys. The things that I utterly relate to are that she always felt on the outside and that the grief never leaves you .This was really just a meeting to see how we were all doing now that the care plan had been carried out and Billie was starting to settle in with us.

From the moment I heard Lisa talking to Chris Evans on Virgin Radio, I knew I needed to read this book. I had made dinner, we had kept her safe, we hadn’t done anything to overstimulate her and she had very happily gone to bed, and more importantly to sleep. The journey Lisa and Chris, her husband at the time, take through this book is a bittersweet story of the ups and downs of trying for a baby and it not going the way others take for granted. We were not allowed to introduce her to friends or family yet, as she had to get used to us and her new surroundings first. Hearst UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company Ltd, 30 Panton Street, Leicester Square, London, SW1Y 4AJ.She went through IVF three times with her former partner, suffered an ectopic pregnancy, investigated surrogacy and then decided to adopt after finding out she was infertile. Highly recommend to anyone experiencing fertility problems, baby loss, grief or people who plan to adopt a child. That first morning seemed like a military operation, with the alarm sounding and us all having to be ready to leave the house.

Lisa’s words are beautiful and so many sentences could only be truly understood by those who have gone through the same journey. It was so easy to empathise with her on her journey to motherhood and she describes what she went through to get there in an easy to understand but well written way. I cried through a lot of this book, not for sadness of what was not to be but of the grief I felt at the time and wasn’t able to express. She really needed us, and she needed us to step up to the mark and be the grown-ups and not let her down.It was after I put in those days and months of being there to listen, hold and comfort that it felt real. Every time it failed, I felt my body had betrayed me, that I hadn’t looked after that precious embryo well enough. Our names were to be used at all times – we were Lisa and Chris, not ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ and we knew and respected this. While the assessments were being carried out by the courts, as well as giving Billie her everyday care, we would be taking her for regular contact visits with her birth mother and monthly ‘looked-after child reviews’ with social services, not to mention being on the receiving end of home visits from social workers and district nurses.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is experiencing infertility as it will remind you that you are not alone in your feelings, even on those darker days. At this moment Billie was in the shared care of the local authority and her birth mother; we were simply the foster carers until all the court assessments were completed. Ive had this book on my tbr list for a while, as I knew I needed to be in the right place mentally to be able to read it and to have the time to reflect.I do believe you are given what you need, although it might not be what you think you want at that time. Excellent book for anyone thinking about adoption and asking themselves whether they are right for it. However, Chris and I get on better now than we ever did, I’ve recently married chef John Torode and we all parent together.