The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion And Peace With Your Man

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One friend told me she let her husband handle all of the finances, and what a relief that was for her. Another one told me she tried never to criticize her husband, no matter how much he seemed to deserve it. I decided I would try to follow in these women's footsteps as an "experiment" in my marriage. I desperately wanted to save the relationship, and I also hoped to rescue my self-respect, which was fading with each episode of anger and frustration I unleashed on John. of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide To Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace by Laura Doyle Laslow, I; Louise, C (Sep 2005). "Review of Laura Doyle's "The Surrendered Wife" ". Relationships. THI. Her critics see Doyle as advocating that women should be submissive to their husbands. Former Australian Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission Sex Discrimination Commissioner Pru Goward compared the movement to slavery saying "There is no such thing as an adult who can entirely subvert themselves to another person. That's called slavery and I think we abolished that several hundred years ago." She also claimed "If a man wants that sort of relationship, he actually doesn't want a relationship, he wants a doll. He wants a puppet, he wants total control and that's not the definition of a relationship." [3]

My loneliness was so acute I was willing to try anything to cure it. I went to therapy, where I learned that I often used control as a defense. I read John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which gave me some understanding of the different ways men and women communicate and approach life. I talked to other women to find out what worked in their marriages. We embraced a childish belief that if we were always in charge, things were more likely to go our way. Doyle does not fit my mental picture of a "surrendered wife". Throughout our first meeting, her husband jumps up and down to the buffet, getting her whatever she tells him she wants. Sometimes she doesn't even have to tell him. His greatest wish seems to be to make her happy. A man with an addiction to a substance such as alcohol or drugs, or to an activity such as gambling, cannot be trusted. I can offer little hope of intimacy in this situation, as he will always serve his addiction ahead of your safety and happiness. Just as it's not "dishonest" to go to work when you're not in the mood, it's not dishonest to treat your mate with respect when you don't feel like it. It's just a matter of keeping your commitment -- in this case, a sacred one.Ask your gut, and listen carefully to the response. If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, your husband probably has an active addiction. If this is the case, remind yourself that you deserve to be the first priority to your husband. Remember that the sooner you reject what is inappropriate for you, the sooner you will be able to form a relationship with someone who will treat you like a princess. But when I do express my desires purely, my husband sees it as another opportunity to make me happy. If he can't give me what I want, I know it's because he's balancing my desires with our family's other needs. If he can meet my desire, he feels like the hero, and I am reminded once again how very much he loves me. Either way, I've been true to myself by expressing my desires. Often my desire to lash out at my husband is a cover for another problem. I'm tempted to blame him when I don't want to have to blame myself or the boss or my mother. Other times I'm just too depleted to have a reasonable perspective, and the tiniest things start to bug me more than usual. Now I know to look inward before I lash out. I may still be miserable once I find out what's really bothering me, but at least I won't have acted on a red herring -- and alienated my number one supporter in the meantime. I was unknowingly in an abusive marriage and desperate to improve it- which is how I found this book. My then-husband treated me terribly and I tried everything to “fix” myself- to make him love me and treat me as such. I found this book while trying to become some version of a person and wife I imagined he wanted. This book brought me further into self hate and also helped to convinced me that I was doing something wrong and that I should be better. The author of the core book of this movement maintains that she does not advocate submissiveness or the surrendering of one's self (see contradictions of this claim below); she proposes the surrendering of control over others. Indeed, in Things Will Get as Good as You Can Stand (subtitled When you learn that it is better to receive than to give– The Superwoman's Practical Guide to Getting as Much as She Gives), [1] Doyle says women turn away praise, validation, and even help to appear to be in control. [2]

Everyday, do three things that you enjoy doing just because they're pleasurable — not because they are necessarily productive. They can be simple things, like walking barefoot on the grass, reading a trashy novel or taking a hot bath. Lying in the sun or talking to a girlfriend on the phone might make your list, or even watching your favorite TV show. Of course it's important to be honest in your relationship, but it's also important to be polite. If you have to overlook your husband's minor faults to treat him respectfully then do it. Do this for the same reason you would go to work in the morning even if you didn't feel like it -- because it's something you've committed to doing and others are counting on you. a b Doyle, Laura (2008–2013). "A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace With a Man". LauraDoyle.org.When I was honest with myself, I had to admit that controlling, or attempting to control, accomplished nothing. The only product of harboring my illusion was loneliness. It wasn't until I gave it up that romance returned.

To restore his hope, thank him for the things he has already done that make you happy. Once he sees that he can succeed, his natural instinct to please you will return in full force. You will also have more time and energy to focus on what's most important to you. Whether your desire is to have a more harmonious family, run a top corporation, or both, you'll feel increasing pride as you realize your goals faster than ever before. Surrendering has a way of bringing out the best in us, both as individuals and as wives, which is why it's so worth doing. Many a wife has turned the finances over to her husband in just this way -- as a temporary trial -- and lived to say she wouldn't have it any other way.For another thing, they don't talk as much as we do. That makes me the only one around here who goes on and on about how I feel. Thank goodness. As I stopped bossing him around, giving him advice, burying him in lists of chores to do, criticizing his ideas and taking over every situation as if he couldn't handle it, something magical happened. The union I dreamed of appeared.

This is truly an inspiring book. I have tried some Of these things with my husband, they work. The one I like best is What ever you think...And I am sure you will make the right decision. This had been somewhat hard for me to do. It has been rewarding for me , to keep my mouth shut. lol

It's hard to tell because you make it look easy, but you're doing too much and you need a break. Start to take better care of yourself and ask for help more often. Your vulnerability will be rewarded if your husband feels respected. Thank your husband for his contributions and you will be well on your way to igniting passion and achieving intimacy. A man who has been unfaithful time and again, despite promises to the contrary, cannot be trusted. You deserve to be with a man who is sexual and romantic with you and you alone. So, if your husband is not capable of doing that, your best chance of true intimacy is to end the marriage and look for a man who can be faithful.