Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.

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After a painful divorce, “The Angry Therapist” John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He went on a journey to rebuild his relationship with himself, going from alone and disconnected to alone and fulfilled. Whether you’ve embraced the advice in Single on Purpose or are just discovering Kim’s ideas, 31 Days of Single on Purpose can help you transform being single into a joyous, exciting period of personal growth filled with memories, deep work, play, forgiveness, and freedom. My Review - This book came in right when It was needed most in my life. Not because of any relationship issues but because I felt a loss of connection with myself. Let me tell you at the utmost that this book is not about singlehood or specifically for people not in a relationship with another human. This book is about bonding with oneself. No matter the reader is single or in a relationship or anything. The book talks about how important it is for oneself to have a real connection with themselves before having anything with someone else. No matter the status of the relationship, one must know, understand and prioritize their own relationship with their inner self than any other. That's how one can rejoice in every other bond. And that's what made me attracted to this book. I too agree with the thing about our relationship with self-being the most prioritised relation than any other in our life. A few chapters did feel bonkers and the reader is the one to either adapt or trash them. The quotes, the life experiences of the author and his patients is what gave this book a real-life catalogue of stories that can be related here and their by Sped through this one and thoroughly enjoyed listening on Audible. Also believe this is applicable for those already in relationships, like I am, or in any walk in life. Since I’m already a follower of John’s podcasts, it was comforting to hear him read through this self help book and enlightening to hear more nuggets of his personal journey & life lessons that he wove into this book. Very humanizing and enjoyed his vulnerability and openness. Few takeaways:

I have mixed feelings about this book. There is some solid advice and insight related to working through codependency, prioritizing a relationship with yourself, and cultivating intentional, connecting, non-romantic relationships. However, there was an underlying contradictory message that if you take these actions, you will attract a healthier love.After my divorce, I asked myself what I needed. I went to the bench a lot. I ate out at diners. I leased a roadster convertible and revved the shit out of it through the canyons blasting obnoxious music and wearing no shirt. And didn’t care. I took myself to the movies. Went on long walks. Pour myself into my passions. Started writing again. I needed to treat myself well. Better. I needed to do things for myself and not feel guilty about them. I also pushed my body harder than I ever have before. I needed to feel alive. I needed to like who I was. John is buried in his laptop when he notices a woman in her early thirties standing in front of him. In this episode, Dr. Bradley Bond shares his research and expert knowledge on parasocial relationships and the psychology of media with the SOP audience. Specifically he explores with Dr. Nina Polyné our perceptions of TV characters, and how this might relate to our social networks while being single. He also expands on how TV narratives can be helpful for marginalized communities (e.g., LGBTQ, elderly). Additionally, they explore why we get so wrapped up in celebrity lives, and at times, we tend to feel similar emotions of those we follow on social media when big life shifts occur (makeups and breakups). Finally, Dr. Brad offers his wisdom on how to live your best life while single, and if the shows we watch on TV influence the attractions we may have on potential dates. Along with his role as a professor, speaker and business consultant, he is also incredibly creative! He shares in the episode what led him to pursue a life of purpose-driven work, and he and Dr. Nina reflect on their 20 year + friendship. Kim is raw and vulnerable, sharing things most professionals in his field probably wouldn't share about themselves. His insecurities, his flaws, things he has tried, desired and abused that are taboo or untraditional. It is refreshing because it reminds you, we are all so human. The motivation to write this book came from coaching thousands of people in the last decade who experienced severe depression because they were single. Many of them had successful careers. Many of them had amazing friends. But because they had no one to kiss in the morning and do nothing with on a Friday night, they saw themselves as failures. They internalized the idea of not having a partner as being defective. Most had been in nothing but shitty, toxic, lopsided relationships, and yet being single was worse. They figured something was wrong with them, and they came to me to find out what that was. A lot of them were in their thirties or forties, and they felt like time was running out. They felt the sand in the hourglass draining as they lost more and more hope.

I will recommend this book to someone who just went through a breakup, has a hard time being single, has an unsatisfying relationship, or, wants to find purpose in life while being single. This was a good book that taught me that sometimes what we think is love can be just be familiarity. Lastly, the most important relationship in your life is yourself and when you have a good relationship with yourself everything else will fall into place. Read moreWas leaning toward a 5 but a personal pet peeve, I am not looking for music recommendations from a book. There is an entire chapter with an annotated playlist and then he said Broken Social Science instead of Scene and I was even more annoyed. To be fair I’m having a bad day. He had a "Daily Mantra" for each days lesson but mantras are usually made to be sayings that you repeat over and over again to have positive beliefs. It’s time to reframe the narrative of being single and embrace what I learned when I finally chose to be alone:

No one really wants to “date themselves.” But all of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose. After a series of failed relationships and a painful divorce, John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He knew that to move forward, he had to build a relationship with himself, to embark on a journey from alone and lonely to alone and fulfilled. I think there are nuggets in here like don't tie your self worth to being in a relationship. But pretty much after that it reads like fix these things to be in a relationship albeit more healthy relationship. Having sex, go explore every crayon What. A book that doesn't focus on friendships, building community, or concrete ways to be comfortably being single seems like a missed opportunity. Essentially section 2-4 was all about f**king. I get it, I think sex is super important but this book was nothing more than a very weird reflection of bad relationships, bad sex, toxicity, do drugs, and exercise. I wonder if I'm the wrong demographic bc cross fit was lost on me and brought up a lot. With that being said words like grieving, trauma, and self worth were used but I would not recommend most of the advice. This book is not about being single. This book is about what to do while you're single to get in a relationship. It's not the same. Singlesness is a valuable time period and relationships can be healthy but not a priority. Also can we talk about how asexuality completely missed. I hate it. of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First. by John Kim So your current relationship is over. It was healthy, but you were not sexually attracted to him. And the person you are sexually attracted to is toxic and bad for you. And you know this.Work. Love. Happy. Healthy. Success. How do you define these today? Is working meaningful for you? Or do you dread getting up each day? What about love? From everything you’ve learned and been through, what is important to you when it comes to love? Do you have new non-negotiables?Do you put weight on different things? Healthy? What is healthy to you today? What about success? Is it still measured by the numbers in your bank or does it mean something else? Deep inside, I knew I needed to be single. On purpose. I’ve been in relationships constantly since I was twenty-two, and I knew I needed to build a better one with myself before I could build anything healthy and meaningful with anyone else. I knew I needed to process my own shit. Break patterns. Find a sense of self. Not be codependent. And work on areas of my life other than love. Because there’s more to life than who we choose to love. It may not feel like that right now. But trust me, there is. Our safe tree also includes our tribe. It doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or extrovert, the people you engage with will encourage you and sharpen you. Or bring you down and stunt your growth. It makes all the difference. I’ve tried life alone. I’ve surrounded myself with people who were negative and draining. It doesn’t work. And if one of those people is the person you’re sharing a bed with, there needs to be a real honest conversation. Or many. And if nothing changes, you need to be with someone else. Your potential and everything you can offer the world isn’t even about you. Sean Cardinalli is a coach, writer, and activist who returned to coaching on sex & love addiction at the outset of the pandemic after a 4-year hiatus. His coaching style tends toward a 12 Step recovery perspective which saved his life and livelihood 14 years ago. Sean earned his local certificate through Linda Bark’s holistic coaching methodology and is pursuing his ICF certification and a degree in social work. Beyond sex & love addiction, Sean’s practice focuses on intimacy, relationships, divorce, dating, and the creative process.

Amy Brown is a Meditation Teacher and Certified Mindfulness and Life Coach specializing in relationships. She works globally with individuals who want to navigate their breakup or divorce in a respectful, mindful and conscious way, so they can heal, move forward to new healthy relationships, and ultimately thrive.

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If you’re single and you want to make it about you again. Or maybe for the first time. The time is now.